I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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