Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
