I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
