You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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