I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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