So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
