ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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