Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
