Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My cat gives me a boner
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
