You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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