You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
