Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
