God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
