ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
