Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
