Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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