Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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