i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
