I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
