he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
