I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
