he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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