The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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