you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
