god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
