first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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