i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
