haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
