she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
