You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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