If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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