The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
