I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
