he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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