She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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