I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
