I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i dont even know how to be here
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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