If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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