It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
