It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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