I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
