I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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