The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
