I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just google imaged poop.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
