I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
