So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
