i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
