I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
