he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
