mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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