and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
