I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
