Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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